Depression, what can I say? You’ve harmed us and killed some of us. Most of us wish you didn’t exist. I am one of these people. Depression isn’t your normal sadness that you get… It’s much worse. Much, much worse. You feel like it’s the end and all hope is gone. You have no purpose to live anymore. You don’t wanna do anything. When I had depression, the majority of last spring through last summer I’ve considered ending my life a few times. My conscience got the better of me. I never did it and never will… Ever. Trust me. However, some do feel no hope and they do commit suicide.
What got me to that state is a long story that I will briefly sum up. I’ve been hiding a secret… A big one from a family member. Why? Because things will blow through the roof if I tell that member. It has something to do with who I like to be with. You fill in the rest. Based on these statements this person made I had to keep it in. And the longer I keep my secret, the worse I felt. It is really hard to keep a secret for so long (that you really want to tell) that it harms you mentally and physically. It boiled inside of me so much so that it caused depression.
My only escape was writing poems, school and schoolwork and my jobs. Diverting my attention elsewhere. Believe it or not, college saved me. Really. And believing for a better tomorrow or a better someday. My caring friends and teachers also helped me because now I live for them and put them over me. How would they feel if I were gone? They get me through each day. Now I am better, I believe in God and serving others. Who I like to be with is not important, but if I can make someone’s day a bit better, If I can make the world a better place everyday, I am happy. Unlike others, I won’t say it will get better, I can’t promise that. This I can promise you. You are valued by someone.
photo credit: huffington post via Getty images.